Hello I'm a new member :)

[valpico]

Hi all! Val here, I hope you are doing well, it is my first time here, I'm visiting Ireland for one year. I tried the support group in Dublin and was great, unfortunately had to move to a place with no support groups around and I found this message board...I have been trying to fight my demons with food for really long, I'm so tired. I'm sure you know what I mean...and it is all about falling over and getting back up again and again, but I think that it will be good to get professional help for my problem....unfortunately I don't any people to talk about this and I think it is what helps me the most...talking about it, is it same way for you? are there any other tips you can give me to kind of survive until I get professional help?
Thank you guys for listening
Val

[nicole]

hey der val...i'm sorry to hear that you had a helpful support group and had to move away!i feel the key to recovery and staying in recovery is having someone to talk too...The message board here unfort has not been very busy of late but i for one am checking in so if you need someone to talk to...you can talk to me!i was in recovery for over a yr and have been relapsing lately but fighting it...one of the things i am finding hard is two ppl that i use to talk to a lot and use to help me are not available to me anymore so i am too stuck for someone to talk too....if you have any understanding friends i urge you to talk to them ....this is an illness that wins with its power of isolation you have to take that power back and not let the isolation take over
My thoughts are with you
take care
luv nic X

[valpico]

thanks so much for your email! I agree with what you said about isolation, makes things so difficult no to have people to talk to, I appreciate your email, thanks so much. How are you doing? I will check this message board everyday so we can keep in touch it would be great to have someone to talk to about this I really need it, it has been difficult to deal with food for the past months...I just can't help it...I don't know how to stop nor where to start...thanks so much for being there and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you
Val

[nicole]

Hey ...i was happy to see your reply this evening.I felt really down today about not being strong enuf to fight the ana voice and was sitting with my phone in my hand and all the numbers of all the ppl in my phone book and wanting to call or even text someone and not being able too,it was a very lonely feeling...Have you managed to speak to anyone yet?

I currently live with my sister b4 wen i wasn't well i lived alone (this being my own doing so i could do as i pleased in relation to food without being questioned)i am finding the current living situation both a positive and negative in regards to recent relapse ....as in its harder to revert to previous behaviours!!!on a recovery basis this is positive and i know this is the way i should be thinking.

Unfortunately i can't talk to my sister , my family have never been very understanding and seem to think its a choice i am making...this in itself is very hard to deal with...however i think it is only us the sufferers who will ever understand that it is not a choice and we don't want to feel this way and would do anything to make the voice disappear....

If you are checking this forum please feel free to write how you feel and know someone will be listening ... it is both a help and an overwhelming release to feel someone is listening and understands..

Stay Well
luv Nic X

[valpico]

Hi there, it is so good to hear from you, you are right it is absolutely important to talk to people about this, and I think that maybe you could get your sis to read about ana, there is some information about it on this website, it is specific for friends and family, bodywhys has meeting for them as well, I sound like a bodywhys's sponsor but they really helped me. I'm going through a bit of a rough time at the moment, I also know that it won't last forever, I started thinking about why is it that I have issues with food, and I came up with some ideas, please tell me what you think
1 Sometimes I focus too much on myself without noticing that there is people around me that might be in need of help
2 Sometimes I find it hard to cope with adult life problems and instead of finding solutions I hide behind food, it is like I fell unable to solve things as an adult
3 Sometimes think, what makes my life worth living, ...what if I wouln't have this problem with food, what will be filling out that? I don't know if I'm explaining this ok. I mean with all the time we waste thinking about food, how it will be to have a "normal" life?
4 which leads to what things make me happy, what do I do to have fun? Am I enjoying life? Am I grateful for the people I meet?
Please tell me what you think about this
oh one thing that help me yesterday when "going down a hill" If you don't have people to talk to, what I did was turn on the camara on my computer and talked to the camanra about how was I feeling...might sound silly but helped me, maybe it will help you till you find people to talk to. I don't know if I'm allow by this website, I don't think we can give out info about ourselves...but let's write I will keep checking the message board
I hope you have had a good day today

Val

[nicole]

Hey val
Good to hear from you... your reasoning is so right and fair play to you for giving it some deep thought!i would totally agree that ana is a distraction for me to adult life and adult problems that i feel unable to deal with.It is a coping mechanism , a negative mechanism but one i seem to revert to whenever i feel i can't cope.She is like a friend (albeit a destructive one) ana is always der waiting for me to feel like i need her....but your right we need to find other healthy ways to deal with life and the problems that come with life(cos lets face it everyone has got their problems)....when i give in to the ana thought its all i can think about and focus on so i don't have to focus on the real issues....at the moment i feel my life has stopped and i'm leaving someone elses literally so to deal with this thought i seem to be leading back to ana ways ....you say you are finding it hard lately has something it particular lead to this ? and food is taking focus away from it?

i heard a good quote lately from sex and the city would you believe "how can you have a future when your past is present " we need to make these food issues and ed's our past so we can have a healthy , fun and deserved future!!!!but i also agree with you in that i'm not sure even what i like to do and what will make me happy so i shall sign off tonyt and give that some well needed thought!!!
I hope you have a good day 2
chat soon
Nic X

[valpico]

thanks for your email, after a couple of dificult days I had a good one today, there is something else that is keeping me busy and I have got my head completly into it therefore no much space to think about food and now I realise that we need to have a project in life, something that keeps you feeling like life is good and worth living, do you think you could find something that you would love to do? something that will keep your head and your heart alive...maybe doing something for someone else, ringing a friend and just listen what they have to say, just listen sometimes it is not easy because we easily go back to think in ourselves our problems...we need a goal in life a big one or maybe many small ones...just to keep us going...I will tell you there always people in need to be listen...
Good day for you Nic
Val

[nicole]

hey val
real happy 4 u that you are doing well and have found something to focus your mind a key step in the recovery process but please don't forget that while project/goals aid recovery to be successful you also need to examine the underlining causes of the disorder ( a mistake i have made one to manytimes b4 and why i think relapses for me are commonplace whenever a stress or problem arises be it new or old)

still haven't managed to talk to anyone yet...so think i may give counselling another go...have been to few of them at this stage some good some not but i have found out i am entitled to a series of sessions free with my job (confidental of course)....really wanna nip this relapse in the bud b4 ana gets a proper hold of me and my mind again

chat soon
wish you health and happiness
nic X

[valpico]

yes, you are right...it is not just matter of finding a project or something to keep me busy I will need to take care of my eating disorder in order to recover. I hope you can find a good counsellor soon, I will do so as soon as I move out from here...so looking forward to do it
I hope you have a great weekend
Let's stay in touch
Val

[valpico]

hi there , I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there, is anyone interesed in talking about recovery, o whatever you want to talk of course related to what we talk about in this forum, feels a bit lonely because no one writes or shares any good or bad moments, is everyone ok? I'm feeling good at the moment, I hope is lasts long, unfortunately I relapsed two days ago but I'm back on track...
I hope to hear from you soon
Val